You Can Do It - Simple steps to feeling beautiful.

Home Page

FAQ
(Coming Soon)

Buy Teresa’s Stuff
(Coming Soon)

Free Lessons

You Can Do It- Simple steps to feeling beautiful.

Click here to check out The Reality of Weight Loss by Teresa Bondora!

One day while working, I found a call to be in the Magazine, MORE for women. The article was open to women nationally and when I first saw the opportunity to throw my hat in the ring I looked amusingly at it and passed it by. I wouldn’t qualify for a national magazine article like I’m some kind of special person. I’m not glamorous, I’m 43 and the signs of aging are creeping in. I’m a stay at home mom with a fledgling web site that after 4 years is just breaking even. Yes, my body is trim and tight from my weight loss and I love climbing and it has totally changed my life but I’m just me in a house doing my best each day. I don’t have an agent or a national best seller I don’t “have people”. I color my own hair because I can’t afford a salon and I don’t wear make up.

So I did my nightly chores, talked with hubby for a few minutes, read, then I went to bed. I found myself noticing myself. I realized that voice that was telling me I wasn’t article material was just a voice in my head and that nothing was stopping me from throwing my hat in the ring. So what if they saw my entry and laughed at me and said to themselves that I was crazy entering something like this. What if I added to their long list of people they had to toss to get to the good ones and so I was part of making their job harder. So I laughed at myself. I was going to do this. I knew it.

Gutsy move

So the next day I emailed and sent the required info they were asking for. I got a reply of thanks and we’ll be in touch..blah, blah, blah. And of course no “in touch" came.Then a few months later, I got an email asking for more information, that I was “in the running” for the article. WHAT??? WHAT?? I can’t tell you what kind of validation that was. If it didn’t go any further, this alone changed how I saw myself. I was so excited and over the next few days I realized changes taking place inside me. The validation, the outside someone saying I was beautiful, different from the others, worthy, made me feel different and pretty and like I had accomplished something. I rode this wave for a long time, I changed my hair, got a new pair of shoes. I fixed my hair more and smiled more. I ate less junk and more quality food. I added real quality chocolate which led to my research on chocolate and that led to my writing a book on chocolate which has led to many other things.

So instead of waiting to see if I made the cut, I let it go. I won in my mind and I certainly doubted, that since only 4 people would be chosen, I’d be in there, but to get this, was plenty. And then out of the blue, it happened again. 2 months later - another email. I had been chosen as one of the 4 to be featured in the article. They needed more information. I think I leapt out of my body. I ran around telling my kids and calling people. I don’t think I touched the ground that day.

So time passed as I waited for more information. During that time many things happened to me emotionally because of this. And I made some discoveries that I knew every woman needed to know, if they didn’t already. Men, if you are reading this, please make sure any woman in your life gets a copy.

One night almost asleep, the question came to me….how is my body any different now than it was 4 months ago, before this article? And I realized it wasn’t any different. Why did I feel so powerful and beautiful, one of the lucky ones now when nothing at all has changed about me? I’m still the mom in the house with the fledgling web site and still 43 and still look the same in the mirror. I’m still struggling financially, and I still work to believe we’ll all be okay through these uncertain times. I still look at 20 something’s in the gym and try not to compare myself. Yet I feel beautiful now. Why? Because someone else validated it? Who? The media?? People I don’t even know, who don’t know me? If that was all it took then why couldn’t I have just skipped all that sooner and just validated it myself, or through those around me? I couldn’t answer myself as to why and where I lost that feeling of knowing I was beautiful.

We were born beautiful.

No matter what glasses you wore or how fat you were or your braces or allergies, you knew you were beautiful when you were little. Don’t believe me? Spend some time watching children at parties or children's play places. Yesterday I took my son to Monkey Joe's an indoor inflatables place. The children there were amazing. One girl had on a Tiara and I told her it was pretty. She told me yep, she was. One boy had an Iron Man tattoo on his arm. I told him it was a cool tattoo. He said, “I am Iron Man” and he took a muscle pose and looked so strong and proud. There was a pudgy girl about 5 years old who came over and asked me if I liked her new glasses. She said they were cool and that her friends wanted them. Children just know they are beautiful. All of them. It took me a while to remember but now that I do, I know I'm beautiful.

So now comes that part….do you think you are beautiful and worthy of national attention? I know. After others make fun of you, after people can be cruel, after life takes its toll after aging starts to grab your attention, it gets difficult to stay beautiful and to feel like you are a Goddess. It’s probably more like how much of a failure we are because we leave so much undone at the end of each day. Think I don’t leave dishes in the sink or have to choose between that or time with my kids or time with my husband or time taking the kids outside? Some things are not going to get done. I don’t have a house keeper or anyone who comes by once a week. So the house and laundry are just there and get done when I can. Most days I throw my hair up in a pony tail.

So how can we feel beautiful when we have no motivation and no time and don’t know where to start?

Change

The beginning of creating change in our life and feeling like a million bucks is to first identify what’s keeping us from feeling that way now. This exercise will hopefully make you uncomfortable. Please do not dwell on each question. Write what your mind brings you first, second, third. Do not analyze it and don’t worry about what you should be writing. Notice some questions ask about you specifically and some are about your life, these would include work, people, circumstances, items, and you. If you don’t think you have time for this. Then print this out and answer one question a day at lunch or at bed time.

What things about you, your personality, your genetics, etc do you wish you could get rid of, what holds you back?
What thoughts do you tell yourself that you think may not be true and may be holding you back?
What are the traits about you that make you good, that help you get ahead or that you feel are desirable qualities about you?
What experiences in your life propelled you forward in your heart or in your thinking or financially?
What parts of your life today are you happy with, make you better and you would want to keep more of?
What parts of your life today do you wish to get rid of?
What nagging small issues are you dealing with right now, what hopes do you have, what things are on your mind that you are pursuing, worrying about or that consume your thoughts.
If someone else were defining your traits to a potential employer and they were brutally honest and knew you well, what would they tell the employer? OR Describe yourself basically.
What are you grateful for?
Describe your extended family in 5 adjectives on your mother’s side…..your father’s side….step parents’ side….
Which of those traits do you think you currently posses?
Which of those traits do you think are still unconsciously causing you issues?
Which of these traits do you have that you like?
Which of those adjectives have you rid from your life or do you dis-identify with?
What on these two pages would you be embarrassed for a potential customer, employer or mate to see?
What on these two pages are you proud of?
What accomplishments in your life are you proud of?

I was asked each of these questions during my therapy at one time or another. And had to write the answers.The thing about these open questions is they are very telling for you. You can diagnose yourself very well by seeing exactly what your mind brought forth first, second, third, what’s on top and comes to mind, etc. These are the things that are the issues you will deal with. Yes there are others but they will rise to the surface when it’s time. I do this questionnaire about every 6 weeks. I find that once I deal with them I change and start to feel kind of icky again and know that it’s time to revise. Because life is a path, not a series of dead end streets, we are always changing and so are our issues, concerns and backgrounds.

So, let’s look at what you wrote. Read back over your answers and see the number one item you mention the most. Is it something you don’t like or something you do like?

Work

So what we’re going to do now is divide the items we wrote about into want more of and want to go away. Every time I do this, my list of each is usually around 10 things so if you need more room, get a sheet of paper to work this on. Most of the time many items leave the list and others stay every time. Those I don’t like come and go and a few persist. I keep a spiral notebook and do this in it so I can see what issues disappear and return, become less important, things I forgot I wanted to keep, etc.

So list them in this format:

Things I want to keep in my life

- Here’s an example:

My family, my car, my positive attitude, my husband’s muscles, my new necklace, my ability to give and love people, the new soup recipe I just got, my grandmother, the times I get to see my dad, the money that comes into our lives, my broad shoulders, my pretty skin.

Things I want to get rid of-

Fear of lack, not trusting people, quick to make assumptions, feeling like a victim, feeling old, my tummy fat, my hair cut, feeling like I don’t do enough, worrying about my children, panic attacks, worrying about breast cancer.

Things I want more of in my life-

Compliments, people like me that I connect with, money, free time, peace of mind, new lingerie, some essential oil products, more time alone with hubby, to travel with the kids more.

Now that you know what issues are before you, you can start doing something about it. After 8 years of my own therapy, starting a company, learning about marketing and continuing to keep up with journals and health, writing on weight loss and working on keeping my own head up, I learned that it just isn’t all that difficult. I learned that we never did have to go back and re-live old issues to cleanse them, we didn’t have to make huge sweeping changes with lots of motivation and money, we didn’t need to change our lives and homes and children and everyone around us. I learned that a few simple acts done daily or monthly make noticeable changes, most of them subtle and they grow inside us changing us daily into someone beautiful. They are simple.

Money

If you struggle with money, there’s a few very simple things you can do that at first seem lame. But do them and watch what happens to your mind. To begin, take a few dollars and change them to quarters. When you go to run your next errands, give the quarters out to people. That will be something you’ll never forget doing. You’ll be surprised at 1) how many people won’t take it and 2) how you feel after you’ve given them out.

Next, when you order something at a fast food place or coffee place and the person after you has an order under $5, pay for it. Do it quickly and real matter of fact and try to get away quickly before they can thank you. I do this all the time. Suddenly I started feeling like I wasn’t so broke if I could afford to pay for things for other people. Isn’t that one of the reasons we want to be rich? So we can help others? Buy the homeless person some fruit or juice or chocolate milk. Doing this on a regular basis will help you feel rich. Overhaul your budget and make envelopes for gas and groceries at the first of each month. Put the cash there and keep to it. That way the necessities are taken care of and will be there.

Be careless. I had a very rich bachelor friend a long time ago and I noticed that he had money everywhere. 20's out on the counter, bills crumpled in the floor of his closet and in junk drawers, bills in the back seat with straws and napkins and fast food trash, he gave out 20's to homeless at red lights, he was careless with his cash because he could afford to NOT account for every single dollar. So I decided to adopt this attitude. I put singles in the drawer by my bed and scattered them around. They stayed there until I forgot they were there. When I needed to look for something, they got shoved around with everything else. I started emptying out my pockets and putting the change in drawers around the house. I began putting 5's in pockets and leaving them there, including coats and jackets. Eventually I forgot how much money was running around loose in my life, in my car, behind seats and furniture, etc and it made me feel less uptight and more loose and relaxed about money.

These are just a few simple ways to make small changes that add up to big emotional changes. And they don’t require a life overhaul.

Your body

If you are overweight or out of shape, I have a book that covers this subject. I had kids and was busy and didn’t have much money and I lost weight using what I know as a science person and from my therapy days. Afraid you’ll fail? I wrote another article on that and you can read it here… http://www.TheRealityOfWeightLoss.com it’s right at the top.

These changes are easy to fit into your daily life, like packing a book bag with weights and running your errands wearing it or wearing your kid. Put a weight at the foot of the stairs, every time you go up the stairs pick it up, throw it in the laundry basket and carry it up. When you get to the top, set it down. When you’re ready to go back down, pick it up and carry it down. I have many of these in the book. Get a pedometer and see how much you walk a day. You'll be very surprised. Lack motivation? Ha! I've got that covered too!

Fear of the economy- lack of control

Overwhelmed. When you look at your list it can seem overwhelming. I can stop that dead in its tracks. But you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable and put pen to paper again. Remember the list of things you want to get rid of and things you don’t like?

List them. Once you make that list, you will write one of 3 things beside it:

Drop it

Change it

Accept it

Because in life we always only have one of these 3 choices. We can change the situation. If we have no control over it, we can accept it. Or we can choose to leave the situation. Many times we are stuck because we mistakenly think we have no choice. What we really mean to say is “The consequences I will suffer if I change or leave this are way more than what I suffer now.” The problem with this is that you may be wrong. The second problem with this is that if you are right then you forget that you are making a choice, a choice to accept it. And then you stay mired in this unhappy place of “I hate it and can’t leave it or change it.” That’s the victim role. Unfortunately I was comfortable in that role and when presented with the opportunity to make a choice, I chose to stay mired in the poor me place. I eventually learned that it was only serving to harm my physical body through stress and began to make those harder choices to save myself.

In reality you must find the courage to change it or take the chance to leave it. But if you know that neither is possible then you are stuck with the even harder work of acceptance and making peace with it. I go even further and make myself find happiness and gratitude with it. If I cannot, then I muster the courage to change or leave it. In this way we cleanse our lives of things that needed to go, we open the way for others to be free, to make changes and to struggle with their own choices. We become an example to our children and those around us. We unload baggage or we learn to graciously accept what is before us.

Affirmations

I remember near the end of my therapy when I was encouraged to try affirmations I thought they were silly. I did them anyway but when I didn’t see immediate results or they didn’t knock me over the head with change, I dropped them. I have since learned the error of my ways and now affirmations have become the primary way I make changes I my life.

I have the perfect beginning thing for you to try. You must declare yourself the Goddess of Beauty. And here’s how. Take a photo of yourself looking proud, as if you have just been named queen or your photo is being taken for the cover of Best Woman magazine! Print that picture. Now make a paper frame and paste it around the photo. At the top, write your name in capital letters. At the bottom, write “The Goddess of Beauty.”

Now, attach it to your bathroom mirror where everyone, including you will see it every day. Nope, no excuses. Do this no matter how dumb, stupid, silly or weird it feels. Ignore what you think the others will say. And especially if you’re having a party soon, this will need to go in the bathroom everyone will be using. Yep.

This will cause many changes. Others who see it, even if they don’t say anything to you will think about it and may go home and make their own. Your kids will see you as a role model and will think of themselves the same way. Your husband or significant other will agree with you. If they’ve forgotten to see you this way or express it, they will remember. Over time you will see subtle changes in the voice in your head. And over time you will notice you feel more motivated to make more changes in your life.

Your Home

When I feel stale or down I make simple changes to my environment. I don't have the money to redecorate or buy new furniture so what I do is rearranage a room, move the furniture around and change up where things are sitting. I am not a clutter freak and I don't gather stuff but if you do, it would help you to choose a stack or a corner and go through it and empty it out. I have many things that mean a lot to me. I like to keep them by the bed, things my children made, a rock i found on my honeymoon, a gnome my daughter gave me, etc. I will move them around or swap them out for other things. Lately I decided to paint my kitchen. WOW. I live with a painter so I had his help and good tools and it totally changed my work area. I now look forward to cooking in that room. Ask yourself what part of your house tends to bother you the most compared to what you rarely notice. For me it's the sink and the coffee table. If wake up to dirty dishes it tends to punch me in the gut first thing in the morning. If I walk in the den and the coffee table is clear, I tend to be okay with stuff on the floor. Find what these things are for you and set out to make them right. I recently made these changes and once I got started, I got excited and couldn't wait to get up to keep going. It injected new life into my home. I emptied out my laundry room and made it clutter free and now I am going to paint it. Simple things can pack a punch for your mind!

I hope this article helps you make changes, or that it finds you already happy and content. Please pass it on to every woman you know using the link at the bottom.

Teresa Bondora. Find me online at www.TheRealityOfWeightLoss.com

Twitter- teresabondora

Peace, and be well with blessings of increase to you.